Listening to: A Thousand Miles – Vanessa Carlton

So, WOW. I haven’t written here in only 16 days, and my life has changed drastically since than. First of all, I have a boyfriend. I know, crazy right? His name is Sam. & I love him. I really really do. He is so fucking perfect. Even though..you know, he has his moments. Like, when he is super high which means he’s super horny & annoying me to send him pictures. By the way, he lives in Iowa. I know, I know what your thinking. How did you meet him? Well, it sounds bad, but RP. I met him on RP. & I’m so glad I did. He is so fucking perfect, I can’t even explain it. He says all the right things & he’s so cuteeeee. He asked me to be his girlfriend on June 3, 2009. Obviously, I said yes. (: I never knew what it felt like to be in love. It scares me to say that, because I know some how that we aren’t gunna get married and live happily ever after, & that somehow one of us will get hurt at one point because this isn’t going to be forever. But, I love him. I really do. I wish he didn’t live so far away. It’s like, when your in love, you forget all other priorities. I basically don’t even eat anymore. I have so much more to do–well think about & talk about & smile about. My appetite is nothing like it used to be, hahaha. I love talking on the phone with him. I’m so used to his voice, that I could fall asleep to it. I love how he is ALWAYS singing some song while we’re on the phone. I love how when I had school and we would be on the phone until 12 he would always make me go to sleep early because he felt bad about making me go to sleep late. I love how sometimes, a majority of our phone conversations are: “Your so cute.” “No, your so cute.” “No, your so cute.” “No, YOU are so cute.”…and on and on and on. I love how when I’m mad, he can immediately put me in a good mood. I love how one time we were on the phone and he just says: “Haley?” “What?” “I love you.” I love how much happier I am now that I know him. I’m clearly at a loss for words to describe him. It’s so hard to. Because there is so much I want to say and so much I don’t even know how to say. I’m so lovestoned, haha.

So, last Friday was the last day of school. FINALLY, I’m away from that school for a good two months. Yay. Here comes the funny story. We have about two hours left of school for the year, & these two idiot boys decide to call the suicide hot-line and claim that they “have a gun to our head and are about to kill ourselves”. Oh, by the way, they called 7 times. SEVEN TIMES. So, after the seventh call, the lady informed them that calling a hot-line and LYING is considered a federal offense and that the police were on their way to our school. They were, of course, telling the truth and in a few minutes the police walked into the classroom and called Matthew and Grahaem down to the office. They are in some deeeeeep shit, man. Not gunna lie. Grahaem has to go to boot camp. I don’t know about Matthew, but man, they are crazy. Who would do that? Forreal, they are idiots.

Another thing that happened since I last wrote, Katie started to cut again. I just got the shivers from typing it out because seeing it written down means it’s actually real and it’s actually happening. So, one day I look over(I sit next to her in basically every class), and I notice more cut marks. Lucky me for being the one to notice it & have to deal with it all by myself. I told Emily and Paige, and even though I know Katie and them haven’t been on such a good note recently, I know that since she is facing a problem they will always be there for her. Again, we tell Mrs. Sanderson and Mrs. Sanderson told Mrs. Stoudenmire, Katie’s mom. At first, I know, Katie was extremely mad that we told. But I know that somehow she knew it was only because we love her and care about her. If I hadn’t of told Mrs. Sanderson, would Katie have committed suicide? Or maybe continued to cut? Just the thought of loosing my absolute bestfriend kills me inside. I couldn’t deal with that.

So, the other day me and Sam were on the phone, and he literally kissed me through the phone. Haha. He’s so lame, but its so adorable. It’s kind of bad, because he is so much other than me & he does some pretty hard core shit. Drugs, I mean. It scares me. But, only because I don’t want him to die or something. I know that won’t happen, but still what if he like attempts to kill himself when he’s high? I don’t know, I’m just paranoid. Sgffjhjfhghjgj. It’s so fucking cute when he calls me baby on the phone. I seriously get butterflies every time. He will be like “I love you baby, sweet dreams. Goodnight.” And after that, of course I can’t get to sleep because I’m so sfgjhffgkhl jittery and in love. Hahah. I’m such a loser. The one thing I’m afraid of is that he’s going to end up hurting me. I don’t want that to happen. That’s what I’m so afraid of. I can’t seem to fully let him in because I’m so afraid of getting hurt. Damnit.

“I love you too, Haley. With everything I have.”